Blame it on their Gaul roots, but no people embodies criticism like the French. Hard to please, grouchy, but always fair players, they tend to find fault with just about everything. Now, this is all fair game, but see for yourself.
1. François Hollande
Image Source: Greg
Now, the same can be said of nearly every politician elected President before him. But Hollande, with his particularly dire understanding of economics, diplomacy, or social issue, is very much of an #epicfail
2. The Paris or Marseille soccer team
Chose your camp carefully because we’re not going to be friends if you take the wrong pick.
We like you to believe that it’s the best place to live, but in reality we see nothing but flaws with our country. We even have a very affectionate nickname for it – ‘shit country’.
4. Movers and shakers
Granted, we know there’s many things that are wrong with our country, but they’ve been here for so long that we’ve started to take a liking to the status-quo. And if you start trying to fix them, it’s not going to fly. We’re looking at you, Nicolas Sarkozy.
5. French waiters
You’re not the only ones to find them detestable…
6. That global rumor that French waiters spit in your food
The rudeness stops at throwing your food at you when these guys serve it to you.
7. Great Britain
They beat us at Waterloo and we still can’t get over it. But for the love of God, the weather was catastrophic and Wellington’s guys were helped at the last minute!
8. Losing the World Cup
It happens too often to our liking.
9. Losing World War II
Well, technically we didn’t lose that one. We’ve got the permanent seat at the UN Security Council to prove it.
10. British food
We’re talking about people who sustained themselves on mush, mash and faggots until Ramsey came back from France, for crying out loud!
11. François Hollande visiting Angela Merkel
Come on, man. Represent! She’s stealing the show. All. The. Time.
12. The lack of French stuff when travelling abroad
Yet again, that’s right. The French never loved their country so much than when they’re away.
13. American Fast Food
Image Source: Jokideo
Read, American Fast Food. Not American. We actually think of you as our friends – we just don’t like what you put in your stomach.
14. The price of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream in France
Awesomeness at every bite, but dear god, how expensive are those!
15. Cigarette bans, cigarette tax raise, and any anti-cigarette law
Over half the French population was smoking in the 1960s, and they are only 32% today. And for most of those who gave up their cigarettes, it wasn’t by choice.
16. California wine
Not that it tastes bad, it’s just not the real thing. Ok, it tastes great, it’s more affordable, and totally amazing. We’re totally owning our jealousy.
Oh, wait! That’s a war we already won. Never mind.
It’s makes us happy his big brother admitted he was wrong going to Iraq, but when are we receiving an apology for renaming ‘French’ fries ‘Liberty’ fries?
19. Waiting in line
And we have no shame about it: we’ll find a way to skip it.
20. Free riders
We’ll take care of you if you’re sick, but please pay your bills before you leave our hospitals.
21. Supermodels on their way to a little nip and tuck wearing the burqa in a country that banned it years ago
Where to begin… What were you thinking Gisele?!
22. Frog legs
Image Source: Memegenerator
The stuff would be perfect – if only they had more meat to them.
23. ‘La bise’ a.k.a. regional French kissing customs
You’re normally safe with two, but what are you supposed to do if the person you meet is from a different part of the country of if you’re travelling to unknown territories?
24. French ‘lovers’ and their cheesy pickup lines
Man, have some dignity. Just say ‘hi’ (sigh).
25. Kids behaving like ill-bread kids
We get it, your hands are kind of tied when it comes to discipline, but what happened to parents being parents?
26. Flip flops
You might want to wear them, but there’s no excuse for buying it in the first place.
27. That loud guy in the subway shouting over the phone
Keep it private, dude. The French don’t particularly care for what’s going on in your life.
28. Being asked to give back that art we stole
Hey! We’ve been taking better care of those things than any of these guys would have!
29. Corrupt French politicians
Well, we mind, but they add some color to the boring world of French politics.
30. The rumor that the French are rude, moody, and arrogant
Not because it’s false, but because it hurts. Ouch!